Top 10 reasons why I can’t report to my parole officer
We take community safety very seriously. Our professional community corrections officers are committed to ensuring offenders are compliant with their orders as handed down by the courts. Dealing with offenders every day, they also hear a lot of creative excuses when things get untidy.
It’s our job to make sure offenders are held accountable for their actions and to do everything we can to prevent them from causing further harm to the community – and there is absolutely no excuse for breaking the law.
But – because it’s Friday (and it’s nearly Christmas) our gift to you is some of the best excuses we’ve heard this year – yes, these are all real – and no, none of them worked:
1. This matter of national pride:
“I had a big day on the p*ss for Australia Day, and I’ve been on the crapper all morning.”
2. This film buff:
” I can’t do community service because I stayed up late watching movies… It had Brad Pitt in it.”
3. This avid fisherman:
“I can’t do community service because a catfish attacked me!”
4. This disobedient dog owner:
“I couldn’t ring to reschedule my reporting appointment because the dog ate my phone.” Our surveillance team rang him the next day and the offender answered the phone… The offender explained he got his phone back by letting nature take its course… Eeeewwww! and also, what brand of phone was it?
5. These intrepid travellers:
“We got lost in the bush and had to get saved by the rescue helicopter.”
6. This person who skipped laundry day:
“I can’t go to community service – I have no clean underwear!”
7. This person who got a little too used to being in prison:
“I couldn’t come in to my reporting appointment this morning because I got locked IN my house…”
8. This dedicated nephew:
“I can’t report today ’cause I’m cutting the grass for my aunty.”
9. This committed animal activist:
“I can’t do my community service hours today, because I have to take care of a small fluffy chicken” *proceeds to take out a small fluffy chicken from his top pocket*
10. And finally, our personal favourite – this person’s response when he was told there was a warrant out for his arrest for not reporting:
“Run, run, run, as fast as you can – you can’t catch me, I’m the gingerbread man!!!” – shortly before being arrested by police.
Have you heard a more creative excuse? Let us know!